A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
