He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
