Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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