as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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