My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
