I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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