if i died would you start the facebook group?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
