so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
