can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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