i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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