I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize