I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
