I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
