She said her name was "party"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
