im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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