My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
