Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
