I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
