Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
