Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
