This girl is more easily done than said...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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