She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
