like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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