Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
