Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
