You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
