my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
