one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
