if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
