Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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