I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize