i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
