if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
