I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
