you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In other news, I just burned my penis
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
