Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
