perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
