i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
