You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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