My underwear smells like fireworks.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
