Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's just like the Real World with babies
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
