Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
