After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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