We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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