Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
