i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
