Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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