help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
