so explain again why im purple
no
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What happened to fro yo and sex?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
