do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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