OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize