I feel great
I just peed on a car
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
