i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize