Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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