Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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