I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
