i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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