and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
