I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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