Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
