my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize