woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
