just tell him i said nine months
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize