Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
