I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish you could order shots online.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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