I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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