i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
