this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
