Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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