I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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