i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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