i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
cat food counts as protein by the way
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
