I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
