he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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