thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
