Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
