O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
