Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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