I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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