Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
