Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
this is an emotional support booty call
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
