And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You're like the curious george of whores
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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