It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize