If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
