By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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