Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
