i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
