so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
