just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am one with the molecules
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
