His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
