I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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