Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
