elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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