so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
