dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
