i wish my penis had a tongue
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
