just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
