And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
