We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
