You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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