So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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