grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
