I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
