OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
