I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
